Day 100: The Final Rant

I tried to keep it light throughout my #100Unhappydays but for #day100 I’ve decided to rant. So strap yourselves in and pray you’re not mentioned.

Grey chest hairs. Cold Callers. Hot Callers. In fact any callers, I’m x-directory for a reason mutha fucka. Jocks moaning that we’re allowing them a vote – we colonised you so be a bit grateful you dour old gits. People that can’t queue, if you can’t do it properly then go somewhere less popular. Fuck you Alzheimer’s, I hate you the most, but for reasons I can’t remember. High iron levels – a bloody pain. Tottenham – be it Hotspur, High Road or History. Writers block, cheese and One Direction. 270 miles door to door – way too far. Being asked what #day it is for 100 days. Weekend drivers, someone please give me a gun. Squirrels, grey not red. The Daily Fail. China – cups not country. Never ending stories and The NeverEnding Story. Slow walking, three abreast ‘I don’t care if you have somewhere to go’ Slummy Mummys. Michael McIntyre’s hair. Making lists.

Day 99: I refuse to stop refuse

Believe me, when you live at the end of a very long, narrow, cul-de-sac, the last thing you want to see when turning the corner is this. And yet I seem to manage it every week

Day 98: First World Famine

A very 'first world' problem today, but me and Kaede are most upset that our local has run out of cheese and onion crisps

Day 97: Destiny in my hands

Damn you, why did you have to launch on a really busy work day. Have to burn the midnight oil I guess

Day 96: Old Skool Sat Nav

What a difference a week makes - this time last week I was all chilled out in the Netherlands. Incidentally, this is the map I used to get me there. Old Skool mappage

Day 95: Oh Jesus

If this is true then I don't think any of us are going to heaven

Day 94: Sod's Law

Why is it that the only time a dragonfly decides to hang around and pose for a pic, I can never lay my heads on the proper camera

Day 93: Hello Grindstone

There was me looking forward to the peace and quiet now the kids were back at school, but then I saw my outstanding work board

Day 92: Gimme, gimme

I'd heard of people coming back from Amsterdam addicted, but I didn't realise that I would come back addicted to these

Day 91: Shoe idiot

Guess what idiot has just realised that Kaede doesn't have any school shoes for tomorrow

Day 90: Mile away

The OCD number geek inside me is going crazy that the Netherlands/Amsterdam/Bruges trip ended one mile too soon

Day 89: Not In Bruges

Have decided to visit Bruges but can't see Colin Farrell anywhere. Beginning to think the violent documentary we watched 'In Bruges' could be a work of fiction

Day 88: My cup runneth over

Fed up with these stupidly tiny cups, so I've resorted to drinking straight from the coffee jug

Day 87: Pass the Dutchie Part 2

I rather think I've taken my attempts to blend in with the Dutch too far

Day 86: Too many choices

The worst thing about the Netherlands is they have too many beers and not enough days to drink them

Day 85: Pass the Dutchie Part 1

As a smoker that's been choosing not to smoke for nearly 8 years, I can honestly say today in Amsterdam has been the toughest day yet

Day 84: Peed off

Unable to decide which toilet I was meant to use, I did the next best thing and pissed in the hallway

Day 83: Time on his hands

The Mrs just got photobombed by David Moyes

Day 82: The (not so) Great Escape

Great, it's Bank Holiday Monday and I'm up at 5.58am